Robin

elliottalexzander:

HRT
Day #408
1 year & 43 days
05/22/2018

My therapy is… happening I guess. Physically I am very happy with my breast development, and the overall shape that my body is repositioning itself into. It is a very pleasing and comfortable feeling for me. The best I have ever felt in my own skin, honestly, and without having to do so much. 

I promised I would try to be as detailed as possible about the experiences I have while transitioning, and how it changes my life. So, I am just going to come right out and say it. Sex is amazing. I wish sex could have been this way always. I identified as Demisexual before HRT, and much of my sexuality and sense of attraction was already rooted in the emotional connection I have with the other person. So in my experience, my therapy has really helped to confirm what I already knew about myself, which is very reaffirming of my decision to begin the therapy. 

Enough about the physical changes. On the flip side, the emotional and mental shift has been very difficult. Probably more difficult for the people around me, than it is for myself even. Let me tell you, I have the sweetest, most patient and gentle husband. I get overwhelmed by my emotions a lot, and my husband really is so patient. I know it is hard on him though. He cares so much for me that it kills him to see me cry, and I literally cry over anything right now, lol. Sometimes I laugh & cry at the same time, lol. 

I had to put cosmetology school on hold. 6 months into the program, which was about my 8 month on HRT, I was overwhelmed by the amount of work I was trying to keep up with, while also sub consciously reconfiguring the dynamics to my emotional reactions…. I know, a mouthful, right?

In other words, I often found myself shutting down and shutting out, because I was being bombarded with intense emotions from every little thing. It wasn’t any one person or thing, but HRT is kinda like your emotions getting dropped off in Chicago with a map of NewYork, it is impossible NOT to get lost. Thats what I mean by shutting down and out, because I was constantly over-reacting or under-reacting in different social situations. I would look back and regret my emotional response or lack of response at all. This began leading to suicidal thoughts and being emotionally uncomfortable, constantly. I tried drugs, just an anti-anxiety medication from my doctor. However, after a week of taking it, I realized that what I was experiencing wasn’t something I needed to try and avoid. Instead, I just needed to give myself the time and space to let my MIND adjust, and not just my body.

Xoxo
-Elliott Alexzander

P.s. You may have noticed that this latest HRT update is originating from a different Tumblr account. Thats because my email was hacked, and I have yet to be able to access my original account from any other device except my iPad, which happens to still be logged into my original account. There is currently not a way to change your password or email within the Tumblr iPad app… so, sadly that is whats going on. I would never just abandon sharing my transition and possibly more fashion in the future with all of you, however, I may never be able to fully access my original account again. So make sure to follow this side account. If and when I gain full access back my original account, this side account will still be used for other projects and things to come in the future.

You look beautiful

(via elishaalexzander)

joshnodun:

Save puppies or save kittens from a burning building?

Save both and let me burn

(via mikeyflippinway)

I love you and your Dirty Dancing reference

(via emogothchildren)

“Every night I lie in bed
The brightest colors fill my head
A million dreams are keeping me awake
I think of what the world could be
A vision of the one I see
A million dreams is all it’s gonna take
A million dreams for the world we’re gonna make”

#TheGreatestShowman #HersheyPark